


beneath a green moon

by eightbots



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/F, Ladystuck 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3169397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eightbots/pseuds/eightbots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An archaeplunderer, a legislacerator and an alien walk into a bar.<br/>No, that’s too plain.<br/>An intrepid adventurer, a fierce upholder of the law, and an ancient goddess walk into a seedy space station watering hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	beneath a green moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kapbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kapbird/gifts).



> Request 3 - Aradia Megido, searching ruins far older than the Alternian Empire, accidentally stirs an alien demigod from her slumber. Rose figures there are worse sights to wake up to then attractive troll archaeologists.

When Aradia travelled to the Green Moon and began excavating beneath the mysterious abandoned city, she expected to find something interesting. She never expected that something to be a god.

Rose looked, for all intents and purposes, a lot like a troll. She had the same number of limbs, the same basic body shape, and she even spoke the same language. There were differences though. Her skin was several shades darker than that of normal trolls, her hair was as white as a lusus, and her teeth were even blunter than Aradia's.

She introduced herself to the explorer as a member of a once-powerful alien species that was now mostly extinct. According to her, they had ruled Alternia (and everything around it) long before the trolls shed their wings and started walking the ground on two legs. The young archaeplunderer was amazed to discover, among other things, that the city on the green moon had been ancient even in Rose's lifetime.

She was curious to find out more, but Rose asked for some water and two hours later they found themselves sitting at a bar, with Aradia's good friend and occasional travelling companion, Terezi. 

An archaeplunderer, a legislacerator and an alien walk into a bar.  
No, that’s too plain.  
An intrepid adventurer, a fierce upholder of the law, and an ancient goddess walk into a seedy space station watering hole.

The Legislacerator trainee rarely had time away from her studies, but since for once their schedules matched up, the pair had arranged to meet up on one of the stations orbiting the moon. Aradia messaged her to meet Rose and herself at the bar, purely as a safety measure. Even though she was strangely open to spending time with Rose, her survival instincts hadn't completely disappeared.

TEREZI: SO  
TEREZI: HOW D1D YOU 3ND UP TR4PP3D 1N 4 PLUSH DOLL FOR M1LL1ONS OF SW33PS?    
ROSE: It's called a Squiddle. They were very popular in my time.  
ROSE: They represented our gods. It was they who granted us our powers, which were rather substantial, if I say so myself.    
ARADIA: your civilization worshipped cute, colorful octopuses?  
ARADIA: or octopi!  
ARADIA: im not sure which ones right   
ROSE: We did. Except they weren't cute.    
ARADIA: oh   
ROSE: Or particularly colorful, really.    
ARADIA: what did they look like?    
ROSE: Horrible.  
ROSE: Also, terrible.  
ROSE: According to the elders who were truly in touch with them, they were gigantic. They filled the void with their infinite tentacled limbs, and from their many mouths came sounds that would drive any mortal foolish enough to listen mad.    
TEREZI: NO OFF3NC3 ROS3, BUT TH4T SOUNDS D1SGUST1NG   
ARADIA: yeah  
ARADIA: sorry rose   
ROSE: No apology necessary. I wouldn't expect anyone to find a dark god to be pleasant to look at, fascinating though they may be.    
ARADIA: dark? so they were evil?    
ROSE: That was a subject of much debate among my people. I don't think anyone ever really found an answer.  
ROSE: Of course, even their most strident critics were happy to accept the gifts the gods offered.    
TEREZI: D1D YOU?    
ROSE: Hm?    
TEREZI: D1D YOU 4CC3PT TH3 G1FTS TH3Y OFF3R3D.    
ROSE: Oh yes.  
ROSE: I was involved in a dangerous struggle for the survival of my people, and I became something of a protégé to them. Quite unwittingly, mind you, but at the end of the day it all worked out.    
ARADIA: what do you mean by protégé?    
ROSE: They granted me powers beyond what even the strongest of my peers had. I was adept at the forgotten Majjyks, I learned to See future outcomes with the help of a mysterious oracle, and eventually I even became somewhat immortal.    
TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS PR3TTY GODL1K3 TO M3!    
ROSE: Demi-godlike, perhaps.    
TEREZI: TH4T 1SNT 4 R34L WORD >:[   
ARADIA: youre right though!  
ARADIA: some trolls can live for thousands of sweeps, but even the empress couldnt live forever!  
ARADIA: ow!  
ARADIA: terezi what the hell   
TEREZI: 3V3RY T1M3 YOU S4Y SOM3TH1NG B4D 4BOUT H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NT1ON, 1 W1LL DRUB YOU W1TH MY C4N3    
ARADIA: since when do you care?    
TEREZI: S1NC3 1 OFF1C14LLY 3NT3R3D H3R S3RV1C3! 1F 1M NOT GONN4 UPHOLD TH3 L4W, WHO W1LL?    
ARADIA: but its true  
ARADIA: ow! 

The fortuitous arrival of the bartender interrupted the escalation of violence. He placed their drinks in front of them, eyed Terezi's uniform nervously, and scurried to the other side of the bar again. He didn't glance at Rose once. Terezi sniffed at her drink before she downed half of it at once with a satisfied grin. Rose sipped more carefully, and seemed satisfied at what Aradia ordered for her.

ARADIA: how come no ones screamed alien in all the time youve been here?    
ROSE: I still have some of my powers. It’s also why we can understand each other. Everyone else sees me as just another troll, and can't seem to follow our conversation.    
ARADIA: but not me   
ROSE: Not you. 

Rose smiled at her and sipped her drink again. Aradia found herself smiling back until Terezi's elbow collided with her ribcage. She shot her a warning look and the Legislacerator waggled her eyebrows. Deciding it was best to ignore her, she went back to the conversation.

ARADIA: you mentioned a dangerous conflict!  
ARADIA: what was it?    
ROSE: That's a story for another day, I'm afraid.  
ROSE: It’s a bit too long and complicated to explain right now. And I’d need to tell you a lot about my people for you to really understand it.  
ROSE: Suffice it to say, a being stronger than even the gods themselves sought to eradicate everything and everyone, and was only defeated through great strife and sacrifice.    
ARADIA: is that how you ended up in the uh  
ARADIA: the squiddle?    
ROSE: In a way. Every gift has a price, and after the battle was done, a creature as powerful as I had no business living among my people anymore.  
ROSE: As for what I was trapped in, I guess the gods must have had a sense of humor.    
TEREZI: WHOD H4V3 THOUGHT   
ROSE: Right? 

The conversation sort of fizzled out after that, and the trio were left sitting in a rather awkward silence. It was only broken when Rose finished her drink and set it back down on the bar.

ROSE: That was surprisingly good. What did you say it was?  
ROSE: Or do I even want to know?    
ARADIA: well   
ROSE: Maybe it's better if you don't tell me. This place looks very organic. Finding out what I'm putting in my body might not be the best way to start acclimating to a new culture.  
ROSE: Especially one so...insectoid. No offence.    
TEREZI: S4YS TH3 G1RL WHO WORSH1PP3D G14NT T3NT4CL3 MONST3RS >:P   
ROSE: Touché. 

Another awkward silence ensued. Rose was looking rather intently at Aradia from one side, Terezi was grinning at her from the other, and Aradia was holding on to her glass for dear life.

ROSE: You still haven't touched your drink.    
ARADIA: oh  
ARADIA: i completely forgot  
ARADIA: wait  
ARADIA: are you trying to get me drunk   
ROSE: How dare you suggest I'd stoop to such low measures.  
ROSE: Do I really have to? 

Terezi snickered and Aradia shot her a glare.

TEREZI: 1M GO1NG TO TH3 L1TTL3 TROLLS ROOM  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1LL 1NSP3CT TH31R B4THROOMS FOR H34LTH 4ND S4F3TY WH1L3 1M 4T 1T   
ARADIA: all twelve of them?    
TEREZI: YUP!  
TEREZI: TH3 OWN3R W4T3R3D DOWN 4 S34DW3LL3RS WH1SK3Y L4ST W33K SO H3S 4LR34DY 1N TROUBL3, BUT TH4T DO3SNT M34N 1 SHOULDNT BE THOROUGH >:]   
ARADIA: wait  
ARADIA: youre on a job?  
ARADIA: you didnt come here to hang out with me at all!    
TEREZI: OF COURS3 1 D1D DUMMY!  
TEREZI: DO3SNT M34N 1 C4NT WORK 4T TH3 S4M3 T1M3

With that, she slid off her stool and left the room. Aradia was left alone with the dangerous alien demigod, who was still smiling at her over her glass. Which was somehow full again. Did she miss the bartender refilling it, or were sinister drink magics at work? It did look different before. Then again, she might have ordered a different drink.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by Rose's voice.

ROSE: So.  
ROSE: Do you always spend your time waking ancient entities in forgotten tombs, or is it just a hobby?    
ARADIA: well im an archaeplunderer!  
ARADIA: which basically means that plundering forgotten tombs is sort of what i do  
ARADIA: the waking ancient entities part is new though

Rose seemed deep in thought for a moment, before she looked at Aradia intently.

ROSE: This might be a little forward, but do you think I could come with you?  
ROSE: If there's anything left of my civilization, you're the person who could find it. And I don't exactly know anyone else.  
ROSE: Not that there’s any possibility they might still be alive, but I’m still curious about what happened to them after I was gone.  
ROSE: I'm not saying it's going to be permanent, but I have to admit I am rather enjoying your company.    
ARADIA: of course!  
ARADIA: id love to have you along, youre practically living history!  
ARADIA: and great company as well

They drank together quietly until Terezi came back. After some more teasing she shooed them out of the bar, saying an arrest really wasn’t something you show a tourist on their first day back among the living.

* * *

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

GC: SO  
GC: YOU F1ND 4N 4TT4CT1V3 4NC13NT GODD3SS TR4PP3D 1N 4 PLUSH DOLL ON TH3 MOON, 4ND N3XT TH1NG 1 KNOW YOUR3 SP3ND1NG 4LL YOUR T1M3 1N TOMBS W1TH H3R   
GC: 1 B4R3LY H34R FROM YOU 4NYMOR3!  
GC: SHOULD 1 4SSUM3 SH3 4T3 YOU 1N 4N 3V1L R1TU4L TO SUMMON 4 T3RR1BL3 HORR1BL3 T3NT4CL3 MONST3R?  
GC: HOW WOULD 1 3V3N R3PORT TH1S TO TH3 L34GU3 OF L3G1SL4C3R4TORS?    
AA: sorry terezi!  
AA: ive been pretty busy  
AA: you wouldnt believe what we found!  
AA: she showed me where she used to live and even though its a troll colony now, we found an idol to one of their gods!    
GC: WOW!    
AA: yeah!    
GC: SO WH3N 4R3 YOU G3TT1NG M4RR13D >:?   
AA: oh shush!  
AA: i was just about to tell you about how impressed the chief archaeplunderer was with me and the vacation shes giving me but i guess now i wont   
GC: 4DM1T 1T, YOU H4V3 4 TH1NG FOR M1SS 4SH 4ND L4V3ND3R >:P   
AA: we may have  
AA: made out a little  
AA: once   
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4   
AA: fine! more than once  
AA: laugh all you want but im sure shes a better kisser than you are!    
GC: HOW D4R3 YOU TRY TO 1NSULT M3! YOUR3 TH3 ON3 H4V1NG SLOPPY M4K3OUTS W1TH 4N 4L13N  
GC: WH1CH 1S 1LL3G4L  
GC: 3V3N 1 DONT KNOW HOW M4NY L4WS YOUR3 BR34K1NG  
GC: DONT WORRY THOUGH! 1 W1LL TURN 4 BL1ND 3Y3 TO YOUR D3PR4V1TY  
GC: B3C4US3 1 4M 4 GOOD FR13ND  
GC: 4ND B3C4US3 1 TH1NK YOUR3 4DOR4BL3 TOG3TH3R >:]  
GC: MOSTLY TH3 L4TT3R   
AA: thanks!  
AA: i think   
GC: YOUR3 W3LCOM3  
GC: TRY NOT TO G3T 4RR3ST3D BY SOM3ON3 WHO 1SNT M3 31TH3R!  
GC: MY BLOODPUSH3R WOULD BR34K

* * *

 

As the perigees went by, Aradia and Rose continued digging for clues about Rose’s past. In most cases, Aradia was duty-bound to destroy them. The Alternian Empire did not tolerate evidence of a race more powerful than themselves, long-dead or not.   
Of course Aradia didn't, and they made plenty of other archaeological finds she was free to publicize along the way. 

Rose's magic was running out and with it, she surmised, her immortality. She didn't know how long she had left, but she was happy to spend it travelling around the galaxy, as long as they occasionally stopped for a drink or to pick up a new book along the way. Aradia talked her into wearing a disguise instead of relying purely on illusions, and Rose insisted that if she had to wear fake horns, they should at the very least be enormous.

Terezi was shipped off to Legislacerator boot camp, where she outdid all her peers. No one except her was too happy about it, but they couldn't do anything to stop her, since killing the best candidate that the League of Legislacerators had had since Redglare herself would most likely end with the perpetrators being eaten.

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN, BOOT C4MP 3D1T1ON. 

GC: TH1S 1S T3R3Z1, R3PORT1NG 1N FROM TH3 L4ND OF OBST4CL3 COURS3S 4ND 1MB3C1L3S  
GC: 4NYON3 TH3R3? 

apocalypseArisen [AA]  responded to memo. 

AA: hi terezi!  
AA: how are you?    
GC: 3XH4UST3D >:[  
GC: TH3Y H4D US RUN 4N OBST4CL3 COURS3 DUR1NG 4N OR4L 3X4M ON CULL1NG L4W Y3ST3RD4Y  
GC: DO YOU UND3RST4ND HOW H4RD 1T 1S TO L1ST 4LL TH1RTY S1X 1MP3R14LLY S4NCT1ON3D M3THODS OF 3X3CUT1NG H3R3T1CS 4T TH3 TOP OF YOUR LUNGS WH1L3 F1V3 OTH3R TR41N33S 4R3 TRY1NG TO KNOCK YOU 1NTO 4 B1G P1T?  
GC: DO YOU 4R4D14?    
AA: i cant say i do no  
AA: sounds like you had quite a day!    
GC: W3 H4V3 4NOTH3R ON3 TOMORROW >:X   
AA: when will you make neohpyte?    
GC: TH3R3S NO SUCH TH1NG!  
GC: TH3Y GOT R1D OF TH4T R4NK SW33PS 4GO B3C4US3 1T M4D3 4LL TH3 N3W L3G1SL4C3R4TORS F33L L1K3 TH3Y W3R3 HOT SH1T   
AA: but you are hot shit!    
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 K33P TRY1NG TO M4K3 3V3RYON3 UND3RST4ND!  
GC: 4NYW4Y WH3R3S ROS3?    
AA: shes asleep!  
AA: in the other room   
GC: OOOOOH?    
AA: not like that!    
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]   
AA: her leg is broken!    
GC: > :]  
GC: W41T WH4T  
GC: HOW   
AA: we were sort of in a cave-in   
GC: OH NO >:O  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D?    
AA: ill let her explain  
AA: just a second

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo. 

GC: H1 ROS3!  
GC: DO3S 1T HURT?    
TT: Nice to see you too, Terezi.  
TT: No, it doesn't. Painkillers and bedrest can work wonders.    
GC: B3 C4R3FUL ROS3  
GC: 4DD1CT1ON 1S 4 POW3RFUL TH1NG!    
TT: You don't have to worry about me getting addicted to painkillers, this is purely a one-time thing.  
TT: And Aradia has very kindly offered to measure all my doses before I take them.    
GC: TH4T SOUNDS SUSP1C1OUSLY P4L3  
GC: 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO PULL H3R 1NTO 4NOTH3R QU4DR4NT L4LOND3?  
GC: 1LL H4V3 YOU KNOW TH4T 1 WONT ST4ND FOR TH4T   
TT: I don't think romance works the same way for me as it does for trolls.  
TT: That said, Aradia has given me detailed lessons about all four romantic quadrants.  
TT: Moirallegiance is a very interesting subject.    
GC: 1TS JUST 4 FR13NDLY W4RN1NG!  
GC: WH3TH3R OR NOT YOU T4K3 1T 1S YOUR BUS1N3SS   
AA: come on guys dont fight!  
AA: we dont talk enough as it is   
TT: You're right.   
TT: I heard you wanted to know how exactly I ended up with a broken leg?    
GC: 1 W4NT TO KNOW SO 1 C4N RUB 1T 1N YOUR F4C3 TH3 N3XT T1M3 YOU BR4G 4BOUT HOW POW3RFUL YOUR R4C3 W4S >:]   
TT: That’s what I thought.  
TT: Well, we had just arrived to a planet in the outer colonies. There used to be an active excavation site there, but something happened to the team working on it.    
GC: WH4T?    
TT: That's what we were trying to find out.  
TT: All we knew for sure was that they all mysteriously disappeared.  
TT: We suspected it might be rebels since the planet was only recently conquered, but there was a slight chance magic could be at work. Which was exactly what we were looking for.    
AA: so we went to check it out!    
GC: SO?  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO TH3M?    
TT: As it turned out, nothing.  
TT: The trolls working there thought they were far enough from any central authority that they could simply stop working, be presumed dead, and no one would care enough to check on them!    
GC: G4SP!  
GC: TH4T W4S 4 STUP1D 4ND R1SKY PL4N  
GC: YOU SHOULD R3PORT TH3M 1MM3D14T3LY   
AA: it wouldve worked if it werent for us!  
AA: and we did report them dont worry terezi  
AA: just like any good imperial citizen would!    
GC: >:P  
GC: 4ND WH3R3 3X4CTLY DO3S TH3 BROK3N L3G COM3 1N?    
TT: Ah. That's the embarrassing part.  
TT: When we ventured into the cave they were supposed to be in, we didn't realize they were watching us from the top of the cliff.  
TT: We also didn't realize that they'd placed explosives inside the cave so they could stage a collapse in case someone did come looking.  
TT: When the roof came down on top of us, I pushed Aradia out of the way.  
TT: Unfortunately, my leg got caught underneath some debris.  
TT: My horns also suffered a similar fate, may they rest in peace.    
GC: SO ROM4NT1C! 1M SWOON1NG   
TT: Oh believe me, so did she once we got out safely. I blasted a hole in the wall.    
AA: im right here!    
GC: >;]   
TT: Anyway.  
TT: We got back to the port, informed the authorities of what had happened, and found a doctorturer to see to my leg.  
TT: I was uneasy about the title, but Aradia said that she was more uneasy about me having to use magic to disguise myself again, so I didn't push the issue. Although I could really have just healed myself.  
TT: Now we're staying in a very nice hotel that has a big couch I can sleep on as well as recuperacoons.    
GC: D4RN.    
AA: what?    
GC: 1 R34LLY W4NT TO M4K3 FUN OF YOUR 1N4B1L1TY TO LOOK 4ROUND, BUT ON3 OF MY 1NSTRUCTORS 1S LOOK1NG FOR M3  
GC: SH3S T3RR1BL3 SH3 H4S 4LL TH3 P3RSONAL1TY OF 4 CULL3D GRUB  
AA: oh no!  
AA: maybe we can talk more later?   
GC: SUR3  
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO M4K3 M3 FORG3T 4BOUT B31NG POK3D W1TH F1V3 ST1CKS WH1L3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT D1FF3R3NT K1NDS OF GRU3SOM3 D34THS  
TT: Bye, Terezi. 

GC closed memo. 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

GC: N3XT T1M3 YOU F1ND 4 M4G1C RU1N  
GC: M4YB3 YOU C4N S3T M3 UP W1TH 4N 4L13N D3M1GOD TOO >:] 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please forgive the abundance of Terezi even though she wasn't part of the request. I tried to keep the story about Rose and Aradia.
> 
> Obviously the most important thing to take away from this fic is that trolls have twelve bathrooms instead of just two. The discerning reader will have realized that that number is off! "But," they'll say, "there are only eleven surviving castes! Who's the twelfth bathroom for?"
> 
> The answer is: it's hemoanonymous. It's left over from way back when when there were limebloods and a lot of old buildings had a room left over. A lot of thought went into troll bathrooms.
> 
> As such, have some additional bathroom facts: highblood establishments only have bathrooms from a certain caste onwards, while lowblood establishments are required to have all twelve. The higher the caste, the more lavish they are. The fuschia bathroom, even if no one ever uses it, is often its own building. Troll architecture is awful and impractical.
> 
> Is Rose human??? Maybe, maybe not. She might be grey because she's an alien, or she might be grey because the Horrorterrors made her that way.
> 
> Oops. Sorry for making the notes more interesting than the fic.


End file.
